Paura Niente

I am trying really hard not to freak out about many things. It's not working. I need to get this stupid physical form signed and sent in so I can start substitute teaching. I just have no motivation. I hate being at home, and when I am home, I try to stay in my room. I'm trying to move out, but It wont let me until June. It won't live with anyone It doesn't know while It's studying for the bar. (Now that I see the word it on paper, I am reminded of the book/movie IT and "we all float down here" with that creepy ass clown. Not that the description still doesn't fit in this instance) I really could just sit my ass in bed all damn day. I have been, too. Watching Gilmore Girls or sleeping. Sometimes I crochet. I'm working on a blanket that is using every stitch I can think of in a patchwork-esque quilt type thing. It works out well because when my spaz brain decides to give up, I can just make a different block. I've also been cross-stitching and making various other things. I can never seem to finish anything, but I guess now is a good time to start. HEY! I haven't had caffeine in a really long time, and now that I'm out of the little bottles of sprite the boy got me I won't have any soda period. I guess that's finishing something, right? (that was random. How me)
I have been really sick of driving the bus. I hate the people, I'm sick of answering stupid questions. They didn't used to bother me so much, but lately it has gotten to the point where I almost can't bear to get out of bed to do it. Sometimes I don't. I've been late too much, I need to go talk to my supervisor about things so it isn't so bad. I have an interview at Pearson's on the 17th for a job this summer, which would pay nice and would be better than driving. I really want a job somewhere that is not here. I've applied to various places in Iowa, and one in Washington. I would love that job. k-12. I could see all the kids, teach general music and band. Far, Far away. With mountains and lakes and trees. I don't know how to bring up the prospect of me being so far away to the boy. I would really like him with me, though I don't know how he feels. I'm afraid to bring it up. I can't make him do anything, and I'm not even going to try.